Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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