Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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