hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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