I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
