I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
