then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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