She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
