he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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