I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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