I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
