i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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