he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
