Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
