i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
