ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
