..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
