yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
