i always forget guys have bellybuttons
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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