He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize