take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
