Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
