the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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