Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
