ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
