I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
