I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
