we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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