I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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