Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
