I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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