i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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