I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
