So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
