I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
