life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
