No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Boobs speak an international language.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
