Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
