Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
