I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
