my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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