lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize