So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
