the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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