bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
