i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
