K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
