My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
