Porn is love you can see.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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