i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think people are normalizing furries
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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