dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
