would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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