i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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