..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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