i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
