have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
