i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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