More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
is it fun? or sober?
ok first of all what the fuck
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
