This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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