but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
