We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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