she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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