Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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