I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
