I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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