wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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