Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
