Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
