What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
