i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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