I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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